so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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