Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize