He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
