Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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