we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Everclear isn't food dammit
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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