sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
