just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
