Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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