We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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