just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
