She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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