four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
