Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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