You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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