yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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