Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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