there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
worst night to have a conscience
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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