FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
