haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
