i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
