If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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