If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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