I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
