I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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