Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize