Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
