New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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