Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
