So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
