i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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