only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
