If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
