I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
