hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
