this boner is exhausting
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
