Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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