I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
