Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
