I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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