went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
