I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
