apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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