OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
