I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
