WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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