i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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