drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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