They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize