I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is Oprah even human
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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