Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Holy shit dude........stairs
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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