how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
