i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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