there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
