I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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