He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize