I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
