Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he thought i was a dude.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
