can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
