hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize