okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
