Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
