I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
