Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
