The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
These tits shall not be calmed
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
