Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
