No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
