i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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