Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
