can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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