I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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