does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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