....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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