I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
