Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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