I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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