oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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