Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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