The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I believe in your delicious
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
