we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize