I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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