I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
