she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
