u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
