i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize