Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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