i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
