I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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