I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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