I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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