forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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