No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
