she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
