i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize