I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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