Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Shame is for Republicans.
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