I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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