I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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