Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
