it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
