and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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