There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
