the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
