connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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