I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
