peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
