i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
