I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize