ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
